I am very reluctant to say it first, as I'd feel that his return "I love you too" would just be said out … You partner has basically told you that he doesn't see a long term future. But I need to keep reminding myself that he is doing me a favor. Facebook. Talk to him. Talk this stuff out with him. He cannot say he loves you and yet he doe snot want to end things. So I’ve been dating my current bf for a year and 3 months and he hasn’t said I love you. I don't see why you can't wait for him to start on his therapy. We’ve been dating for 6 months and he hasn’t said it yet. If he really loves you and wants you as he says he does, and vice versa, you will be together when you're both in a better place emotionally and spiritually. I actually told her a month ago that I had almost said it "accidentally" (when ending a text or saying bye) and that I was likely getting close to saying it purposely. I just didn't feel it. Boyfriend hasn't said I love you yet Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Explain to him how it makes you feel. It definitely sounds like you need a break from each other. I told him that to me, love doesn't feel "certain." I can’t even, because it makes no sense. I’m 26 female and my boyfriend is 28 we been together now for 10 months and one time I told him I’m starting to have stronger feelings for him and he just responded why’s that? That sounds like so much on your shoulders. Don't give him an ultimatum. Move on. But before you go, I need to tell you that there’s a crucial period in your relationship that will determine if you and he end up together, or if the relationship falls … Though when you're in the depths of all the emotions, it's hard to think logically. Do you think you really understand what love is? I was blindsided. I've kind of just through a similar situation. 10. He’s not a super verbally affectionate guy(28m) but we became serious about 7-8 months ago. I love this person. He recently told me he stayed so long because he knew I was probably the best girl he will ever get, so perfect in every way, but maybe not the perfect girl for him. He could just as easily cheat to fill any void he might be needing. Here are a few signs that your boyfriend does love you, he just hasn’t told you yet. My boyfriend hasn't said I love you. Not sure whether to wait or to leave. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Share . 0 0. I told him that I loved him a few months in, but we weren't official yet and he didn't say it back. He does not plan romantic dates, initiate romantic gestures such as holding hands or cuddling, foreplay is nonexistent and most concerning to me, he hasn't said "I love you." He is very affectionate and I know he cares about me but we just haven’t said those words yet. Your self doubt and anxiety is due to the uncertainty of his emotions. Maybe “I like you a lot,” and I do remember, “I love you, but not in that way yet,” but that was about it after all that time. ... Stay tuned next week for 'It's been 7 months and my girlfriend hasn't said I love you.' 2 months later, it still hurts. I don't think he'd be different in any other relationship. 0 0. we have been exclusive for 8 months and we dated for 4 months before that. Do you really want to stay with a person that makes you feel like that? Otherwise I feel like I'm going to start resenting him and pulling away. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting, thinking this would signify things are finally back to normal. Really regret it." This is one of those actual "the patriarchy hurts everyone" things. She laughed and said she had almost done it too. But I chose to ignore it and focused instead on trying to make it better (overcompensating, you could say). I became increasingly anxious and eager to please him to win him back. He's only got a limited amount? I feel like my confidence was wrecked for the longest time and I haven't felt like myself in some time because of this. Twitter. He does EVERYTHING else a great life partner would do - listen, comfort, support and have great fun with. But I like to think I have a pretty good intuition and I just knew in the bottom of my heart something had changed. My now ex and I are perfect together on paper. I can't imagine how you feel. I would have horrible stress and anxiety when I felt things weren't right, which is the complete opposite of how I usually am. Is he afraid he might waste some love on you? Hi guys,This may seem a silly one but in a year of dating my boyfriend has never said I love you. If it's early in the relationship, he might just need time, or maybe he just sees it as a casual fling. If a year and a half isn't enough to convince him that he's in love with you, then he never will be. Our relationship is pretty healthy, but sometimes I worry that he holds back too much due to his past. I didn't defend our relationship or judge him, even though for the record I do think he'd be an idiot to lose me. He's being honest with you, you have to appreciate that. I grew upset because I was really sick and I never infringe upon his plans otherwise. Facebook. But for now, just do you. Tell him that you care about him but can't handle his uncertain-ness. When he was stressed from work (which was often), I would make him dinner, bring him a case of his favorite beer, plan a fun excursion to the coast as a surprise. The most telling thing about us is even to this day, 1.5 years in, we spend every night talking in bed for hours. I was hoping he would have said it the night before at midnight as a romantic gesture that things are better and we are starting the new year off on the right foot. Otherwise, though, our relationship is good. But he doesn't love you. I make mention of this because maybe it was my fault and I stopped being the awesome person I am because I was so worried about our relationship. We sat in bed, the both of us crying. 1:51. Over time we just became closer and closer until we transitioned into a serious relationship. Even if he hasn’t said that he loves you, there are many different ways he could be showing his love for you—you just have to pay attention. So, that conversation took place 8 months ago. Posted by just now. Here's a metaphor that has been helpful for me in evaluating relationships: Do you keep investing in a losing stock in the dim hopes that it'll spring back? But he can't say he loves me and he can't say with certainty that we are going to be together. He says things like "I love spending time with you" but no ILY. Should I Bring It Up To Him? I think he is staying with you because he does care and he does enjoy the relationship and maybe he feels comfort in it. I've always felt it to be easier when someone was a jerk or gave you reason to really dislike them at the end. It aches. I hope you keep us updated on the situation. If your guy is already in love with you, but he hasn’t said those three little words, he could be stalling because he doesn’t want to scare you off. Some people are awesome, nice, great people to be friends with but they just don't come with the attachment base to be a healthy LRT partner. In that time, we have resumed a great degree of normalcy: we still see each other most nights (we now purposefully take 1 maybe 2 nights apart a week), we have sex almost every night we see each other, he always initiates communication throughout the day, and we've done some serious fun adventures in the time since (including going to Central America together). I grabbed my stuff and left around 4 a.m. and went to cry on the shoulder of my best friend. Dear Abby: Two years in, boyfriend hasn’t said, ‘I love you’ He’s a wonderful partner, but as a divorced man he has trepidation about those three little words. Hi everyone, maybe I am being a little paranoid, or insecure, but I really wanted to get this off my chest. The more comfortable and secure the relationship gets the harder it is for people like this to be comfortable. Very successful, motivated, good looking... people joked we were a power couple of sorts. It hurts particularly because I know he's capable of using those words. It makes you happy to give them everything and so it hurts so incredibly bad when they don't have hope for your future as a couple.It hurts. Three hours later, my boyfriend texted me and said "I want to try. Press J to jump to the feed. Now he says it quite a lot and its strange to here. I feel like I'm reaching an emotional wall, though. We left the conversation with him saying he didn't want to end things and saying he's been really happy with me, despite these moments of doubt. So, we got back together. If he chooses not to make the enormous effort you have, or he simply just can't change, don't waste anymore of your precious time. I know I need to communicate, but I feel like the fact that he hasn't said it means that he doesn't love me yet. so I felt scared to say anything else. Anyone on the outside would say we have a healthy, loving relationship and we really support one another. Edit: before actually saying I love you the first time. It makes you insecure and anxious. I do love him, and I know I would immediately reply with an I love you too! He invited me to spend Christmas with his parents - which I did. You did your ex a great favor. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Close. Try not to take it too personally - it sounds like your partner is very Avoidant There are lots of books and other sources of information about relationship attachment issues out there too. I really loved how affectionate he was and how he wasn't afraid to tell me how he felt about me. I cried and cried and about two weeks later bumped into the man of my dreams and the love of my life. However, I think he does need counseling. This felt really great to get off my chest. tl;dr: Boyfriend doesn't love me yet. We, stupidly, did not have a big talk before reconciling. We were just really happy, and everyone could see it. I feel like this is the answer to 90% of these posts. I tried to be a loving and patient partner, assuming he was just in a funk because of his career (which he admitted he was and I believe was at the time a major part of the problem). In those first few months, I met his family, attending family weddings, and had this odd confidence that he was the person I would be with for a long, long time. Everything was good on paper. TL;DR: Dating boyfriend for 1.5 years. 3. reply. He didn't know how love was supposed to feel. Close. tl;dr: Boyfriend doesn't love me yet. He probably sees all of those qualities in you and knows you're a great catch. He's stringing you along and having you deal with his bemusement. He said "Of course I love you...but I'm still not sure why I don't feel certain about us being together." I went out of my way to do even more considerate things for him. So, you've been in a relationship for a while now, and your partner hasn’t said “I love you” yet. and for him to pursue counseling when his insurance kicked in. Announcements Join Uni of Surrey for a live Q and A on personal statements, 5pm on Thursday! Early on when we were sharing our pasts he told me that he had loved his college girlfriend deeply and considered her his soul mate at the time. I know I love him but I haven’t said it out of fear he won’t be ready to say it back, or will feel pressured to say it. She told me that she loved me too and wanted to tell me a few days before but was too nervous to do it. Sign in with Microsoft Like many who have replied, I am dealing with something similar. You deserve more. Our first 7 months was pretty incredible, and as someone who has been in a number of medium- and long-term relationships, I know when something is really special. He wanted to break up. Never ever chase after anyone. we saw each other every night for over 8 months!) Harsh, but #truth. I understand love has it's sacrifices. Why do guys always pull saying "I love you" in other language or that guy from a few months ago that only said "I wuv you"? Maybe give him some time to work out his stuff while you regain your confidence. I honestly don't think anybody knows what love really is. And then you get angry because feeling insecurity is not apart of your trait. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Deep down I know that I don't want to be with someone who isn't on the same page as me and isn't all in. And by you being in a better place too I mean I believe this solution to be of benefit to you as the burden will be off your shoulders for a while and you can rekindle your self confidence and enjoy loving yourself while you take time apart. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 1.5 years. I told her that when I did finally tell her- she could know that I meant it because I don't say it just to say it. I am tired of feeling compelled to keep winning him over, in hopes he will love me again. I know I am a caring, supportive girlfriend with a lot to offer. My boyfriend and I say, “I’m obsessed with you.” because obsession is more acceptable than love at this point. I'm starting to hate how much anxiety and self-doubt I feel over this and I really want something to change. Over time it made me increasingly anxious and also withdrawn. We had some awesome sex on Saturday and I think it put me over the edge (in more ways than one). He doesn't love you. I am not great at explicitly stating my needs and asking things of people. In the end, I was much more into it than he was. I gave the relationship my all, everything I could, because I wanted it to work so badly. But somehow he still hasn't said "I love you." Stage 4: Not-so-subtly dropping hints. This is so sad. It sounds like he's conflicted with personal emotions. I'd ask him this. On New Year's Day, I finally said "We have to talk about this." By Glam, January 31 in Dating. I have asked other people’s opinions and they told me “I would have left him by now just saying” I really like him so why would I leave him? I think I've been way to passive in this situation but what could I do? I don't even mean "oh in the media," - you read Relationships or AskReddit enough and you will read THOUSANDS of accounts of people whose father has said "I love you" once or twice, usually at the time of some grand tragedy. Vote. Maybe a proper break would help. We talked again about him going to counseling when he gets his insurance (he was enrolling for one of the Obamacare plans, which as you may know was a confusing process that took forever to get sorted out. We have a good deal in common but also complement each other in … People don't bring it up because they don't want to hear it just because the other party feels forced. We met online and immediately took to each other. I think this is a great response. Regardless of whatever your partner is going through and what his intentions are, you need to pay attention to your own emotions and evaluate whether or not your partner is really contributing to the value of your life and making you feel like you are the best person you can be. Archived. There's no reason for you to spend years of your life with someone who doesn't meet your needs. I'm not sure whether I should get confirmation now and walk, or whether I should give him some more time. It was almost suffocating but then he suddenly questened himself. You have nothing more required of you to make this work. During some insane sexy time, it stopped me in my tracks. The first 6 months was him showering me with I love you's, You're the best thing ever, the full shebang. Or do you cut your losses and seek a more "lucrative" opportunity? Is he running out? My boyfriend hasn’t said “I love you” yet. I think he's waiting for some magical sign, but I don't think that's the way things work. And he, too, has been in a few long-term relationships (including one that was 4+ years). I feel really connected to him in every other way and he's been a great boyfriend other than this and basically has all the qualities I'm looking for. In this conversation, I listened. DatingLogic 7,140 views. We started dating a month later and I moved in with him a year a week ago. We talked about needing more time apart (totally agreed! I can only imagine how anxious, drained and not yourself you must be at this point, particularly missing those highly important three little words. Watch. I would tell him that this is hurting you and you need him to start therapy ASAP or you can't wait around for him to decide to give all the love he has to you now. I am 2.4 years into my relationship, we were high school friends and re-met after a couple of years. Over our first summer together, I could tell something was off. I know I need to communicate, but I feel like the fact that he hasn't said it means that he doesn't love me yet. Boyfriend hasn't said I love you? I haven't said it either, but I feel like this is his responsibilty. You can find somebody who loves you completely and recognizes it. I really love my current boyfriend. I need to hear from him that he loves me and cares about making our relationship work. Holy crap, I am both anxious and avoidant. I agree with him - and told him it's largely because I could sense something changed between us but he wasn't talking to me about it. Sometimes it really did upset me, how can you be with someone for 2 years and not know if you love them? Admits we have a great relationship; just doesn't feel "sure." See how you both feel a few months down the track? He 'didn't know if he loved me, he didn't know what love was'. He wasn't sure about us. The problem is I really love him and I feel really loved by him. I don't "feel" madly in love with him at every moment, but I know and choose to know I do love him. Posted by 3 years ago. We have similar interests and beliefs and values. Tell him these are what you need to be happy and invested in a relationship. One of you needs to take some action here, and he seems incapable of assertively doing much of anything. I've been dating my g/f for 6 months and I just told her 2 nights ago for the first time. My Boyfriend Hasn't Said I Love You After Almost 9 Months Of Dating? We enjoy staying in together as much as we enjoy going out to events and shows and parties together. should I be worried. But as such, I'm starting to wonder if I'm stupid for staying. Ok, I haven’t done a “he hasn’t said ‘I love you'” post in a while and my in-box has been pretty empty for the past few weeks, so I guess I’ll answer this one, but for the record, if you did even a minimal search on my site, you’d find literally three pages of columns addressing this one issue. But now I'm starting to become unhappy with us. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. We see each other pretty much everyday, have plans for future trips, takes care of me and always wants me there with him. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. He said he didn't even want to try; he tried with his last girlfriend when things started to go downhill and things didn't work out. It's hindering your growth. HOW TO ATTRACT MEN - Duration: 5:32. It is not unreasonable for you to want to be with somebody who does love you and wants a future, so go find that person. Boyfriend hasn't said I love you after 8 months . I’ve said it before and it’s really awkward. He needs space to realise and clarify if he wants you, all or nothing. If you are meant to love someone things will be hard but they will be easy at the same time and when you meet that person, you will know what I mean. Follow. I felt anxious reading your post. should I be worried or is it no big deal? He's broken, but you're not obligated to try and fix him. We've been dating long distance for 6 months and we decided to move in together. We have so much fun together we’re always laughing and he’s my best friend. Hasn’t said I love you yet. To me it sounds like his mind is elsewhere. He would still say that I was perfect, amazing ect. When you think about it, what is he waiting for? My boyfriend hasn't said I love you. you sound like my ex lol and i am posting another reply to OP. he used to say it to me all the time and now when I try to bring it up and talk to him about it he says sorry babe. He went on to say a number of confusing things that contradicted himself, such as "I can see us together in 30 years and we're really happy" and "I just don't know why I question things" and "I know if I were break up with you I would really regret it in a year. I was in the exact same position except I'm the guy. I tick all of the avoidant boxes. He has alluded to moving in together, meeting his parents, having kids. When he said he loved me for the first time, he told me he'd never loved someone like this before. From the outside, nothing in our relationship felt different - we still saw each other every night, went camping and hiking every weekend, went out often with friends, and had sex every day. And then, suddenly, things changed. He didn't respond back. Here is the problem, if you stay, one day he will just as suddenly announce he has found somebody and he is in love with them and it will be over anyway. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year now and we still haven’t said “I love you”. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. I’ve been totally patient about it because I understand everyone’s timing is different. I started to believe this was true again, too. Now I don't like saying it, because the L word was practically banned, I feel as if I'm still unable to say it. Ask him how he feels, if there's a reason he's held back from saying those words. My(29F) boyfriend (30M) of 1 year hasn't said "I love you" and I'm not sure how long I should wait. Love is the answer...but when you say it for the first time is a big question. Whatever the case, he is not in the right mentality to be in a committed relationship. Since then he's said variations in different languages ("Je t'aime", "Te amo", "Wo ai ni") but never to my face, in English. :( I'm going through something similar and it hurts. You pointed out the problem yourself: you're perfect on paper. I've been dating this guy for 7 months now and I've fallen in love with him. I'm afraid this will happen to me with my BF of 6 months. He refused because it would mean delaying plans with a friend. If you're waiting for them to say it before you (Been there! You sound great and this is corrosive to who you are. I made it clear I never asked for commitment; things developed with us very naturally, and often with him initiating meeting family, and I wasn't looking to move in or get engaged anytime soon. Hasn’t said I love you yet. Boyfriend hasn't said I love you yet Boyfriend hasn't said I love you yet. Self respect has to be present here at all times. I feel really lost on what to do. Anonymous. I knew things might have been off, but I wasn't expecting it to be so sudden and severe. My boyfriend and I have been "together" for over a year, though it was a little messy at first because he had just gotten out of a bad break-up. I'm tired of feeling anxious and worrying about when he's going to change his mind. He is sweet and considerate and has supported me through a number of life disappointments. He said "Of course I love you...but I'm still not sure why I don't feel certain about us being together." Keep in mind that we’re both in our twenties and I’m his first girlfriend. I think I want to give him an ultimatum, but it is really not my style. But don't let him waffle your life away. I eventually ended it and we're both much better off now. He wants to get married and we're planning to do so in a year. How?? It wasn't something I knew anything about, until I married someone avoidant. Not okay. I have a great career, I am funny, I am adventurous and I have a big heart. Follow. He wasn't sure he loved me. He was head over heels for me, too - and would tell me often. After everything he's said about how important his ex-girlfriends were to him, I feel like I need some sort of confirmation from him that I even have a chance of being that important. Perhaps he has an anxiety disorder, perhaps he has some baggage from a previous relationship and now has lasting insecurities and vices. This. One of the first times I went over to his apartment I noticed a letter from his most recent ex-girlfriend on his fridge where they expressed their love for each other liberally. Close • Posted by 3 minutes ago. When I started dating again knowing the red flags of avoidant people helped me learn to avoid them and it has made dating such a better experience for me. What do you do when you feel loved but you're not? Don't give him an ultimatum but tell him you're looking for a relationship that includes lots of emotional and physical intimacy. We're really encouraging and supportive of each other's goals. 2. lol, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community.
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